Showing posts with label deeashley. Show all posts
Showing posts with label deeashley. Show all posts
19.2.16
1.7.12
OH, GOD
Photo By: Self
spilling water from my back,
you call and i come.
that exhausted walk to reach you
breathless and no i didn’t run
to see you, i’ve been smoking
too much, same thing.
another awkward hug in the car
as my face smashes your cheek
that i can feel it leaving now
is the saddest, a beautiful eruption
you could have picked it off the tree
and chowed
but you weren’t hungry.
feeling it dying away all day
much worse than the straining
against the leash, another gorgeous
thing that should not have happened,
gone again.
By -Michelle Tea
"Oh God" from The Beautiful: Collected Poems.
°shэ.нΔd.ΡφτεπτιαL°
(P н ٥ т о ي – САп – в ع
– F Ф ц и d НЕЯЭ)
11.6.12
Decisions Are Emotional, not Logical: The Neuroscience behind Decision Making
Think of a situation where you had bulletproof facts, reason, and logic on your side, and believed there was absolutely no way the other person could say no to your perfectly constructed argument and proposal. To do so would be impossible, you figured, because there was no other logical solution or answer.
And then the other person dug in his heels and refused to budge. He wasn’t swayed by your logic. Were you flabbergasted?
This is similar to what many negotiators do when they sit down at the table to hammer out a deal. They come armed with facts, and they attempt to use logic to sway the other party. They figure that by piling on the data and using reason to explain their side of the situation, they can construct a solution that is simply irrefutable—and get the other party to say yes.
They’re doomed to fail, however, because decision-making isn’t logical, it’s emotional, according to the latest findings in neuroscience.
A few years ago, neuroscientist Antonio Damasio made a groundbreaking discovery. He studied people with damage in the part of the brain where emotions are generated. He found that they seemed normal, except that they were not able to feel emotions. But they all had something peculiar in common: they couldn’t make decisions. They could describe what they should be doing in logical terms, yet they found it very difficult to make even simple decisions, such as what to eat. Many decisions have pros and cons on both sides—shall I have the chicken or the turkey? With no rational way to decide, these test subjects were unable to arrive at a decision.
So at the point of decision, emotions are very important for choosing. In fact even with what we believe are logical decisions, the very point of choice is arguably always based on emotion.
This finding has enormous implications for negotiation professionals. People who believe they can build a case for their side using reason are doomed to be poor negotiators, because they don’t understand the real factors that are driving the other party to come to a decision. Those who base their negotiation strategy on logic end up relying on assumptions, guesses, and opinions. If my side of the argument is logical, they figure, then the other side can’t argue with it and is bound to come around to my way of thinking. The problem is, you can’t assume that the other party will see things your way.
What the negotiator can and must do, however, is create a vision for the other side to bring about discovery and decision on their part. In the end, your opponent will make the decision because he wants to. Getting him to want to, using the step-by-step methodology that is part of the Camp System, is the job of the negotiator—not trying to convince him with reason.
You don’t tell your opponent what to think or what’s best. You help them discover for themselves what feels right and best and most advantageous to them. Their ultimate decision is based on self-interest. That’s emotional. I want this. This is good for me and my side.
There’s a detailed and systematic way to go about building vision the right way. But in general, if you can get the other party to reveal their problems, pain, and unmet objectives, then you can build a vision for them of their problem, with you and your proposal as the solution. They won’t make their decision because it is logical. They’ll make their decision because you have helped them feel that it’s to their advantage to do so.
And then the other person dug in his heels and refused to budge. He wasn’t swayed by your logic. Were you flabbergasted?
This is similar to what many negotiators do when they sit down at the table to hammer out a deal. They come armed with facts, and they attempt to use logic to sway the other party. They figure that by piling on the data and using reason to explain their side of the situation, they can construct a solution that is simply irrefutable—and get the other party to say yes.
They’re doomed to fail, however, because decision-making isn’t logical, it’s emotional, according to the latest findings in neuroscience.
A few years ago, neuroscientist Antonio Damasio made a groundbreaking discovery. He studied people with damage in the part of the brain where emotions are generated. He found that they seemed normal, except that they were not able to feel emotions. But they all had something peculiar in common: they couldn’t make decisions. They could describe what they should be doing in logical terms, yet they found it very difficult to make even simple decisions, such as what to eat. Many decisions have pros and cons on both sides—shall I have the chicken or the turkey? With no rational way to decide, these test subjects were unable to arrive at a decision.
So at the point of decision, emotions are very important for choosing. In fact even with what we believe are logical decisions, the very point of choice is arguably always based on emotion.
This finding has enormous implications for negotiation professionals. People who believe they can build a case for their side using reason are doomed to be poor negotiators, because they don’t understand the real factors that are driving the other party to come to a decision. Those who base their negotiation strategy on logic end up relying on assumptions, guesses, and opinions. If my side of the argument is logical, they figure, then the other side can’t argue with it and is bound to come around to my way of thinking. The problem is, you can’t assume that the other party will see things your way.
What the negotiator can and must do, however, is create a vision for the other side to bring about discovery and decision on their part. In the end, your opponent will make the decision because he wants to. Getting him to want to, using the step-by-step methodology that is part of the Camp System, is the job of the negotiator—not trying to convince him with reason.
You don’t tell your opponent what to think or what’s best. You help them discover for themselves what feels right and best and most advantageous to them. Their ultimate decision is based on self-interest. That’s emotional. I want this. This is good for me and my side.
There’s a detailed and systematic way to go about building vision the right way. But in general, if you can get the other party to reveal their problems, pain, and unmet objectives, then you can build a vision for them of their problem, with you and your proposal as the solution. They won’t make their decision because it is logical. They’ll make their decision because you have helped them feel that it’s to their advantage to do so.
* * * * * Jim Camp is founder and CEO of The Camp Negotiation Institute, with more than 400 students from 24 countries enrolled in its Team Member courses. He is author of two bestselling books published by Crown, Start with No and NO: The Only System of Negotiation You Need for Work or Home, which have been translated into 12 languages, and a new 6-CD audio program "The Power of No," produced by Nightingale-Conant. He was recently a featured panelist at Harvard's 2012 Negotiation & Leadership Conference
1.10.11
I cry, too often.A flood of tears until I find myself drOWNING.
I absorb too much sea INto myself...
The tears sPILL like a hot spring, steam rolls in and dEAT-h's dew drops sit patiently at my feet.
Inside them (all) swam a green-haired girl who had (nEVER ever ever) been tOUCHed by a boy to WHOm sHE was so devoted that she would have lived with him (FOR-ever) in a shack by the sea or a ruined sand CASTle even if he (never) made love to her.
A potion. A cHARM..?
...There, far out at sea, I saw so mANY strange things!...
Once, tHERE swam a little girl whose fatHER was dying withOUT ever having SEE-n her yet, I thought it odd, BEcause she was directly in front of him as sHE had been tHE wHOLE time.
There, swam a girl whose mOTHER’s magic – the only thing the girl envied more than ANYthing else in the world - & the thing that had made her (in)visible - the most precious thing –might be dying too - just like her mOTHER told her stories of how the girl had BROKE-n her own mother's womb in birth. How SELFish could she be??
My tears were for me, but they were also for her. Sweet, sweet girl,
WhE-n dI-d you sOUR-?
How did they kill your soul while maintaining the physioLOGICAL CHARACTERistics of a walking, talking semi-SENTient girl-grOWN-tALL?
They had to CONtinuously and eternally wASH away the thing that had frightened tHEm so much so long aGO.
The wound INside is HE-r.
My tears pOUR-ed out of me and i only surmised tHIS beCAUSE my face was wet and my eyes BURNed hot like fire pit coals.
My face was wet!
I drank them [salty tears] down my throat.
I drank them [salty tears] in gulps deep Into mySELF, swALLOWING sorrow- TRYing to D-rOWN, drown, drown [them] so far down, that wretched demon INside- to asphyxiATEd that horRID BEast.
‘SomeDAY,’ the demon said,
‘W-hE-n you are ready, I will give you back yOUR tears in full."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)