Showing posts with label mylovelymuse. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mylovelymuse. Show all posts

1.7.12

OH, GOD





Photo By: Self



spilling water from my back,

you call and i come.

that exhausted walk to reach you

breathless and no i didn’t run

to see you, i’ve been smoking

too much, same thing.



another awkward hug in the car

as my face smashes your cheek

that i can feel it leaving now

is the saddest, a beautiful eruption

you could have picked it off the tree

and chowed




but you weren’t hungry.

feeling it dying away all day

much worse than the straining

against the leash, another gorgeous

thing that should not have happened,

gone again.


By -Michelle Tea


"Oh God" from The Beautiful: Collected Poems.



°shэ.нΔd.ΡφτεπτιαL°
(P н ٥ т о ي – САп – в ع
– F Ф ц и d
НЕЯЭ)

1.10.11

I cry, too often.  
A flood of tears until I find myself drOWNING. 
I absorb too much sea INto myself...
The tears sPILL like a hot spring, steam rolls in and dEAT-h's dew drops sit patiently at my feet.
Inside them (all) swam a green-haired girl who had (nEVER ever ever) been tOUCHed by a boy to WHOm sHE was so devoted that she would have lived with him (FOR-ever) in a shack by the sea or a ruined sand CASTle even if he (never) made love to her. 
A potion. A cHARM..?
...There, far out at sea, I saw so mANY strange things!...
Once, tHERE swam a little girl whose fatHER was dying withOUT ever having SEE-n her yet, I thought it odd, BEcause she was directly in front of him as sHE had been tHE wHOLE time.

There, swam a girl whose mOTHER’s magic – the only thing the girl envied more than ANYthing else in the world - & the thing that had made her (in)visible - the most precious thing –might be dying too - just like her mOTHER told her stories of how the girl had BROKE-n her own mother's womb in birth. How SELFish could she be??


My tears were for me, but they were also for her. Sweet, sweet girl, 
WhE-n dI-d you sOUR-? 
How did they kill your soul while maintaining the physioLOGICAL CHARACTERistics of a walking, talking semi-SENTient girl-grOWN-tALL?

They had to CONtinuously and eternally wASH away the thing that had frightened tHEm so much so long aGO. 
The wound INside is HE-r.
My tears pOUR-ed out of me and i only surmised tHIS beCAUSE my face was wet and my eyes BURNed hot like fire pit coals. 
My face was wet!

I drank them [salty tears] down my throat. 
I drank them [salty tears] in gulps deep Into mySELF, swALLOWING sorrow- TRYing to D-rOWN, drown, drown [them] so far down, that wretched demon INside- to asphyxiATEd that horRID BEast. 

‘SomeDAY,’ the demon said,
 ‘W-hE-n you are ready, I will give you back yOUR tears in full."